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Tell you boss you have to take your “kid” to college. Pick a college that is out of state. Research when they have their freshmen orientation so that you will have a correct date that your “kid” has to be there. There is no boss that will tell you that you can’t take your “kid” to college. So, enjoy that long weekend you just earned.

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Now, at most work places you get a set number of days that you can take for vacation. And you have to get those approved. So, here is what you do. You get those days approved. Then you let people think that you are driving where ever it is that you are going. Then on the day before you are supposed to be back to work, you call work. Make sure you call from a cell phone with a lot of outdoor/ road noise in the background. Tell them that you were on your way home and your car broke down. Tell them that the repair shop had to order the part. That means it will be a couple or three more days before you can make it back in. Promise to call them as soon as the part gets in with an update of when you will return to work.

Now, enjoy that extra vacation!

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Here is what you do -

Let’s say that your start time at your job is 8:30 am. And let’s say that there is a place on the way to work where you could get your oil changed in your car before work. So, you call your work about 15 or 20 minutes before your start time. Tell them that you are at the oil change place and that you had stopped in to get the oil changed on the way to work. Unfortunately you are going to be late as they discovered (insert something catastrophic here) while there and you have to get that service done as well. So, you are going to be a little late today.

Now, usually what I have used it that they have told you that you have like no brakes and that is what the extra service is. Of course, this sort of thing works better if you are female. Why? Because everyone seems to think that women know zero about cars.

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Wait a minute, that sounds like the perfect excuse for going into work late!

And as long as gas prices are this high, you can totally get away with this. Even more so if you live in a shady part of town.  But you can only use this excuse for going into work late.

If you try this one, remember to keep it real by calling in at the time that you would normally leave for work. Why? Because you would not discover the missing gas unless you were getting in your car to go some place.

And if you live in a city where this kind of thing is on the news a lot, then you can use this excuse more than once and get away with it!

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Now, time for step three.

It’s actually quite similar. Do this the week after you do step two. Tell your boss that you will need to have Friday off. Remember not to “ask” for Friday off as that lets them think that they have a say in the matter. If you say that you “need” to have it off you are more likely to get it.

So you get Friday off. Good news, you get a 4-day weekend bro. Just call in on Monday and say that you are out of town and are not going to make it back till Tuesday.

Now,  enjoy that weekend and look forward to those unemployment benefits!

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Well, that just means that you need to look around the office for those unadvertised extra benefits the job offers. Let me give you some examples.

At one job, I sat by the postage machine. Oh joy! I never paid for postage when I worked there. I used that postage machine for everything from bills to things I sold on eBay. Even better though is when you sell things on Amazon marketplace. See, they reimburse you for shipping. So that means you could sell something for pennies where you would otherwise not make any money after postage but if your job pays for postage you do make money! Woot, woot! You could also use this opportunity to start a side gig selling stuff on eBay for people. Since your job would cover postage you could make some nice money doing this.

Stay tuned for more examples in part two!

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This post from: Complete Slacker

If you did step one at the beginning of a week, then do step 2 later that same week. Otherwise, do step 2 the following week.

Step 2 is pretty simple. All you need to do is call in one day. Sure, nothing revolutionary, but considering that it happens close after step 1, well, it will not be a good thing in the eyes of the boss.

Stay tuned for step three!

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Some things to keep in mind:

Don’t tell them where you are supposedly at with your flat tire. You just might get some douche volunteering to come help you.

You also do not want someone to say they drove by that location and did not see you.

Tell them that AAA is on the way and that you will be in as soon as they arrive. I used to work in an AAA call center when I was younger - those asswipes take their sweet ass time to get to people, so this could easily take 3 hours. Trust me.

If you show up to work with a regular tire on, you might get a wiseass asking why you don’t have a donut on the car. The easy answer is that you got it plugged. If you say it is spare and it looks like an old tire then your ass is grass on this one.

If they ask you why it took so long, here is your answer: It took AAA for-EVER to arrive. Then they towed you to (Walmart? Goodyear? Local mechanic?) to get the tire plugged and that is why it took so long.

Time limitations:

You can really only milk this one for a few hours. So if you want to come in late, this is your go-to excuse.

Bonus points:

If there is a lot of road work or even construction near you or on your commute you can use the flat tire excuse more than once in a short period of time. In fact, you always hear about people who have to drive past where they are putting up a new building or subdivision and get repeated flat tires due to nails being on the road from the workers.

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