Being Sick Excuse #59: Fake Vomit At Work
Do you have a boss that gives you a hard time about calling in, leaving early and such? If so, there is an easy way to get out of work without hearing any crap from the boss.
For this to work though, you and your boss need to be of the same gender.
Okay, so if your boss was to, say, hear you vomiting then they would probably not even think twice about letting you off work, right?
Now, we all know how vomit sounds when it goes in the toilet. You need some liquid. And possibly something to make some ‘thunk’ noises. These need to be things that can flush down the toilet though. I mean, you don’t want someone coming outta the bathroom saying out loud “Why are there little toy green army men in the 3rd stall?”
The other challenge is that you can’t be seen going in with the stuff – or can you?
So, here’s what I’m thinking….
The first time you see your boss go into the bathroom – remember the early in the day the more free time off you get!
You get up after them (and hopefully they will be in a stall when you arrive) and go into the bathroom. You take with you either:
- a large dark-colored cup (no lid – or a lid you are seen taking off as you approach the bathroom) with a mixture you made at home (brown gravy, frozen corn, water)
- a baggie with a few bits of leftover food or frozen corn in one pocket and juice box in the other pocket. These cannot be seen and must be tossed in the little in-stall trash bin (or put back in your pocket)
Now, run in a stall, make the puking noises and dump some of your fake vomit in the toilet. Remember to not dump it all at once!
If you used the cup – your excuse when you come out with it is that you didn’t think you’d make it to the bathroom, and whoops you didn’t, now you have to wash it out at the sink.
Stay at the sink looking all sickly and rinsing your face if the boss is still in the stall. The boss MUST see that it is you.
Remember to flush quickly cause everyone knows puke has a nasty smell if you don’t flush it quick.
If I was working at an office right now, I would love to test this out. If anyone tries it, let me know how it goes!
Leave a Comment