The Complete Slacker’s Top 10 Ways to Get Out of Stupid Conversations At Work
So, my boss is on vacation. That means work should be like a vacation for me, right? And that is truly a slacker dream come true.
Unfortunately I have a co-worker that sees it as time for us to have stupid conversations.
Guess what? I don’t want to have stupid conversations. I want to play on the internet and blog and be merry.
Instead I spent a good 15 minutes hearing about her roomie’s boyfriend’s dogs that shat all over the house. This conversation was complete with descriptions of how large the piles of “poop” were and where they were scattered around the house. This was not a conversation that I ever want to endure again.
And so, it has inspired the Complete Slacker’s Top 10 Ways to Get Out of Stupid Conversations At Work.
1. Pick a song that you think will disturb the speaker and randomly start singing it. A good choice would be the “I like big butts and I cannot lie…’ song or maybe “I’m bringing sexy back’ And for bonus points you could dance to it!
2. Start laughing loudly and obnoxiously for no apparent reason. Don’t stop till they walk away. Seriously.
3. Decide it’s a good time to confess - shout out that you’re a big homo! That is always a conversation stopper, especially if you are in one of those Bible Belt states.
4. Or, decide that they are and tell them! And be sure to be a big homophobe about it. For instance, say ‘dude, you’re a fag, leave me alone.’
5. Interrupt and ask them for money. Bonus points for singing the “Give me your money” song from the musical Avenue Q.
6. If you are sitting in a chair with wheels, roll away!
7. Just take out your mp3 player and put your earbuds in. Rock out to your fave song while pretending to continue listening to them.
8. Start reciting lines from your favorite movie. I say go with the classic Goonies. “Hey you guuuuuyyyysss!”
9. Hum an instrumental soundtrack under the conversation using a recognizable song. My picks are “Kung Fu Fighting” and “Dancing Queen”
10. If all else fails, work those bodily functions. Start with burping and move on down the list.
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