Slacker tip #5 - Your resumé– How to hide the fact that you’re a slacker, Part 2
If you’re not careful, being creative with your resumé can come back to bite you. The most important thing to remember when crafting that perfect resumé is that you really need to have the skills that you list on your resumé. If you list on your resumé that you have experience working with Visio, then you need to show up knowing how to work Visio if you get hired. Luckily you can achieve something like this from a few hours on the internet or by buying the program and playing around with it. I once had a phone interview where I was asked if I had ever worked with MS Project. As I was telling the interviewer ‘yes’ I was on the internet looking for a website that would allow me to toss out some lingo to make it look like I had indeed used that program. I got that job and learned how to use the program on their dime.
If you are like me, then you change your resumé a lot. Personally, I like to tailor my resumé to whatever job I am applying for. Sometimes though I feel like I need a little something extra and change up everything on the page. This only becomes a problem when someone calls me that I sent a resumé to months ago and I have no idea which version of me that they are calling about. This is a lesson I learned the hard way when I showed up for a job interview with a resumé that did not match the one that the interviewer had in front of her. I tried to play it off as a networking issue with my roommate’s computer, but it did not work. So, now I make a note of which job history I send out to avoid this happening again. It is especially important to remember what information you give at a temp agency as it seems that they keep that information in the system for infinity. I went to a particular agency with resumé number 12 early in my work history, never ended up working for them and applied at another branch of the same agency (in another state) over five years later with resumé number 42, which of course had conflicting information on it that they called me on. Needless to say, I cannot apply for any jobs with that agency.
Making up a company and claiming that it has gone out of business was something that I used to do quite regularly in interviews. I actually still have two positions listed on my resumé that I say I left because the places went out of business. One of those I keep on my resumé because it really did go out of business, although that was not why I left. The other one is completely fictitious, except for the job title which I did have for a short amount of time, but I keep it on my resumé because it has been on it for quite a while and I am certain that it has been entered on an employment verification file somewhere along the way. However, creating these out of business companies on your resumé can prove to be somewhat problematic. I once had an interviewer call me to say that they could find no record of the company I had listed on my resumé and therefore could not verify that it had indeed gone out of business and they needed me to locate past paycheck stubs or W2’s from the company. Obviously, I did not have this information but have since gotten crafty in creating fake paycheck stubs. Information on how to create your own paycheck stubs will be posted inthe near future, including a template to follow!
Other common resumé embellishments that I have used include extending my dates of employment, using a company that I actually started as a previous job without disclosing the fact that it was my company, using friends as references for jobs, and using phone numbers of friends or others for numbers of past work references. Tinkering with dates of employment is a bit risky because it will definitely be one of the things that are checked on when they call a previous employer. Whenever possible, I try to put my dates of employment as years, such as 2000 – 2001, instead of months, such as December 2000 – February 2001. This is easy to get away with on a resumé, but as soon as a potential employer pulls out an application the fun ends.
The amount varies according to where you live, but for a max of a few hundred dollars you can register a business name in your state. I don’t recommend doing this unless you really do have some business you are trying to start; otherwise it’s just a waste of money. I, however, do have my slacker dreams of being my own boss and making the big bucks and have registered a business in my state. A variation of this company name is listed on my resumé, using a job title that I had at a previous job not listed on my resumé. When I fill out applications I always list this company using the second number that came free as part of my calling package for my home phone. The voice mail is an automated machine voice and my number is unlisted, so there is no way for anyone to know that it’s actually ringing in my home. In fact, the human resources department at a recent job apparently was clueless to this as they actually called that number. I did not have to worry about having someone else call them back as they hired me based on another reference.
Since I job hop so much, often just not showing up for work ever again, I have a real lack of people that I can use as references. To overcome this, I have used friends and my girlfriend as references. This is challenging for several reasons. You have to have people that are not only willing to lie for you, but that are convincing. You will also have to spend time telling them what they need to know. They will need to know the name of the company, your position, their supposed position, how long they worked with you, what your company did, what your job was and how the two of you had interactions at the company, and most importantly lots of adjectives. You will have to tell them how you want them to describe you to the caller. The easiest scenario is to have them be a co-worker in the department (never make them a boss!) that worked with you on a daily basis who describes you as easy to work with, always completed projects on-time, etc. Despite this sage advice and prep work, I have never ended up getting hired for a position when I have created my own reference like this. However, I believe that my downfall is that the people I chose were not good at maintaining my lies under pressure, so choose your ‘references’ carefully if you really want the job and you really need to lie to get it.
It should be noted that most companies have a policy that states if they discover that you intentionally gave false information on your resumé or application that they can fire you. While you may not care about this when you get the job, this is something that will get your claim for unemployment benefits denied. And of course, you won’t be able to use them as a reference for the next job that you use your fake resumé to get. That being said, I have yet to have any problems like this and I have practically made a career of job hopping.
One Response to “Slacker tip #5 - Your resumé– How to hide the fact that you’re a slacker, Part 2”
February 21st, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I like you !!!
I wish there were more folks like you around .
I need some fake paycheck stubs as well , and don’t know if the one company I found who sells the software is legit .
Help !!
Thank you .
Gia090703@yahoo.com
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