Archive for Archive for March, 2007
Slacker must-have #1 - the Fake Doctor’s Note
If a slacker only has one thing in their arsenal it must be a fake doctor’s note.
Bosses are notorious for thinking they can catch you skipping work when you’re not really sick by telling you that you cannot return unless you have a doctor’s note. Apparently, they do not realize that you can make one […]
Being sick excuses #4 - the stomach flu
A few years ago I had the most unfortunate experience of getting the dreaded stomach flu. It involved puking for 6 hours before I went to the emergency room, where I had to stay overnight as I was dehydrated and could not stop throwing up. The next morning I was sent home with some anti-vomit […]
Being sick excuses #3 - sorry, no hot water!
Want to go into work good and late? Ever woken up to discover that for some insane reason you have no hot water? I have. And it sucks. But it did teach me that no one wants you to come into work all greasy and unshowered, so when you tell them that you have no […]
Slacker tip #10 - Be a time clock master
Cheating the time clock is the easiest way to get paid for doing nothing. And by this I do not mean writing down different times if you keep a hand-written time sheet. I’m talking about that silly employers that round the time.
If you are a temp, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Every […]
Slacker tip #9 - Use meetings as “me time”
If you work in an office, then you are probably accustomed to the best and most frequent way of wasting time that is actually condoned by the office. The meeting. I love meetings. Department meetings, staff meetings, all-employee meetings, committee meetings. Nothing like a bunch of self-important people gathering together in a room to make […]
Invent a kid project update #4
I can now say with certainty that when you have a child as an excuse to leave work it is treated differently than if you leave for other reasons.
I tried to create scenarios for each that were as similar as possible. Both involved spur of the moment having to leave work at around the same […]
Being sick excuses #2 - Emergency dental work anyone?
Party too hard last night? Just stay up too late and didn’t get enough sleep? Wish you could go into work a few hours late without getting in trouble? You can!
Calling in and saying you overslept and are going to be late will only get you written up for being ‘tardy.’ But an easy way […]
Slacker tip #8 - Maximum pay for minimal work, or How to get 2 lunches instead of 1 at work
Any decent slacker wants to earn a full day’s pay while doing far from a full day’s work. If you work in a call center or retail, then you’ll have a hard time making this dream a reality. But if you work in an office, then luck is on your side! An easy way […]
Slacker tip #7 - Play dumb
The biggest mistake you can make at a job is letting them know what you know. By this I mean, if you are hired to print invoices, then all you need to do to get paid is print invoices. Do not let them know that you are an English whiz or before long you’ll be […]
Slacker tip #6 - Kill off a relative
Or, how to get grievance pay when you’re really just taking a vacation.
If you’re like me you like to miss a lot of work. Most slackers do. You’ve probably noticed that most jobs don’t like to give you time off if you do not have enough vacation time to cover it. I am often faced […]
